Yeah I know I was a fuck up. I wasn’t the best boyfriend, I mean you cheated on me so obviously I wasn’t. But i was the one who took your bullshit. I was the one who actually cared about you. I was the one who stuck around even when everyone told me to leave. I was the one who loved you when you gave me every reason not to. Lastly I was the one who was there for you when nobody else was. I loved you and you gave me up to be happy temporarily.

I wanna be the guy that knows when your lying when you say “I’m okay” I wanna be the guy you can’t wait to call when you get home and see in person

The last few days have been a living hell trying to get over you. But I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t my fault. I treated you more then good. I made myself completely unhappy to make you happy. I went depression and a lot worse, but I didn’t let it affect me, I still tried to make you happy….. When I got in the car to go home I bursts out in tears because I at least thought you where going to stand by my side… My mistake. You cheating on me didn’t help the situation either. Honestly i thought you where different. I thought you where a better then that. But guess what your not. I always thought that if we broke up it would at least be in person. The one thing I ever asked of you was to talk to me in person. You didn’t you did it over text and didn’t even have an explanation. I don’t like you. I hate you for making me feel useless and not worth the time to at least be told in person. I’m picking up the pieces and trying to be happy again. It’s hard when I don’t have the one person I always thought would be there. I have my good days and bad days. Life’s really hard when your best friend isn’t there. I’m on my own. But today I’m going to be happy because I deserve it. I deserve more than what I settle for thank you for reminding me that.

“I miss you, but I’m trying not to care. I love you, but I’m trying not to show. I want you, but what can I do when you are not even mine?”

It’s the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time and it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s funny but stupid how you want everything but nothing at the same time. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on and when you want to move on, but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad but all you can do is watch them push you farther and farther away..  it’s so hard to think back on how things used to be and look at it now and realize things are different and they may never be the same. You tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend soo much time thinking about it…if these pasts months meant anything, you would know what to do.

i fucking hate when people tell me i’m strong, cause im far from it.

but on the bright side, it just tells me that im good at keeping my guard up.

Nothing like feeling worthless,when nobody even cares to listen.

I feel like the whole world is coming down on me. I feel like nobody loves me. My mom is always yelling at me, none of my family talks to me. Sometimes I feel like just giving up on life. I barely have any friends, my relationship isnt that great. My whole life is full of stress, I cant even sit down in peace without crying or thinking of bad things in my life. I feel like I’m worthless, well I am according to my mom. I just need a hug and somebody to talk to. I have no one :”( I’m all alone.

Why do things have to be so damn hard. I’m really trying to be happy but every time one good thing happens, 2 bad ones follow. I can’t do this for much longer.

my grandma just passed away 2 days ago and thats affecting me alot. now my mom is just thinking of every reason to yell and argue with me. i know she doesnt mean to, but the things she is saying is hurting me alot :( she is blaming me for every single bad thing that goes wrong and im really getting tired of it. i just cant take it anymore. i constantly feel like shit and every day that passes this feeling grows more. i have tried everything i can think of to get my mind off of it, and nothing seems to help. everybody keeps telling me things will get better, but i just dont see it. idk maybe im just overthinking, but im sure im not. all i can do is hope things turn out better. </3

well now that you officially told me that we arent getting back together it kinda sucks, but i feel a little relief at the same time. it sucks knowing despite all your efforts and feelings you put into winning her back, she still chose wrong.. well im not here to blame her for what she did, she had her reasons for making the choice she did, i just wish she would talk to me about them for once so i at least know, but like i said im not here to talk about what is already done…

i wish i could have you back, but you basically told me that isnt going to happen. well ive pretty much came to accepting that. i just keep asking myself “what if”. what id she didnt have all these feelings in her head, what if she actually did open up to me, what if she would have let me help her, what if she tried to make this come back together, would that have saved our relationship. there is a million questions i keep asking myself, but none of those will help me get what i have been wanting back; Her…

well now there is one more decision that has to be made, weither we are to stay friends, or just stop talking completely and forget about each other. you already know my answer; i want to stay your friend…you say this is a complicated decision for you, but i dont understand how it can be. its either you want to or you dont..its not a decision that should take weeks to decide. ive done my waiting, almost a whole month of it for a single answer. yeah that one was a hard one to make, but this one should be rather easy compared to that one. if i mean something to you then keep me around, if i dont then tell me and as much as it will hurt me ill respect your wished and ill leave you alone, ill leave.

you once told me that you want me to prove that i can be a friend, the person that you can talk to when something is wrong, the person that you can hang out with without having to feel like something is wrong…well i cant do that unless you tell me that you want it. ive tried setting up times that we can talk about all this is person, but i am being forced to only have tumblr and texting as my way of communication with you, and even at that i really dont hear anything back…all i can say is that i really tried, i tried getting her back which is a hell of alot more that any guy has done before. i tried and i failed…

if we dont stay friends im sorry to say this because i now that we both dont want it, but we will turn into nothing but memories to each other. something to think back on. we will slowly stop texting each other, you wont see me and even if i ask you will turn me down until i just get tired of asking and ill stop. you wont know how im doing and i wont know how your life is going. nothing and i dont want any of this. this is all the things i fear, and one word can make all these fears a reality.

i am more than capable of being your friend. i mean shit i dated you and i have known you for a long time now, i honestly dont want you gone i really dont. maybe someday we can work things out, who knows. it may take some time and getting used too, but I CAN  be the friend that you want me to be.

i just want you to know that this is your decision to make, you know what i have to say and now its your turn. im not going to try to persuade you to be my friend, i cant handle it emotionally to get rejected a second time. i cant wait for this answer forever, i shouldnt have to wait at all but im trying to take into consideration how you are feeling and what you cant tell me.

i hope to get a response about what u feel about this post, either a text or u make a tumblr post. i justwould like to know your thoughts, you know mine now i want to know yours.

thank you for reading.

well i thought this would be easy to put in words, but its more difficult then imagined.

im not going to talk about how much i love you and how much i miss you. i think about all that every single second of every day, but you already know all that and repeating isnt going to mean anything….all i would like to say is that i have never met a girl worth waiting and trying so hard for until you came in my life.

   i dont even know what to consider us. we are broken up, but yet honestly i dont know what is going through your head. all i know is that i cant be too pushy and you want me to wait till the “confusion” is gone…okay yeah i can do that, your worth the wait, but how long am i going to be forced to bear this on my shoulders. i dont know anything because you choose it to be that way. it could be a week, months, only you know. i dont want to sound cocky, but i have really been trying. im not like all these other guys that would just give up after they got broken up with, no i never stopped trying. ive tried going to see you, talking about it, going to your school events, opening up to you…nothing seems to be helping or at least thats what i think since you dont tell me anything.

im willing to wait forever and a day for you, but how much longer will this linger on. if you want me to wait, we need to have more communication. i cant keep doing this; guessing what your feeling, guessing whats going to happen between us, this is not working. ive tried giving you space, letting you think, but it all ends up back in the same spot. i just need to something, anything.

you have all these distractions in front of you, other guys, maybe a few friends telling you you shouldnt worry about me. im afraid that because of this you are slowly going to lose interest in me and drift away and this will cause you to make your decision and it wont be good. me not being allowed to see you isnt helping either of us also.

i understand from your point also, you have these thoughts in your head which arent allowing you to be happy, they constantly confuse you, me trying to fix things isnt completely helping, you cant trust me, you dont know how to talk to me. i do understand…i just always thought that everyone would follow the quote ” If you love someone, fight for them, dont let them fade away” i guess thats only me.

i cant talk to other girls, i cant think about anyone else except you, i miss you more and more with every given moment that passes by, i wore the shirt you made me to sleep last night, texting you makes me miss us, looking at our pictures, thinking about all the good times we had,..when will all this get better, i just…just want to know.